By Melissa McWilliams, AGSS Program Manager

June is here! And although the thought of warmer weather and time away on vacation might sound like relaxation is on the horizon, for most families June also comes with a change in family routine that can quickly dismantle this. Where the structure of school used to dictate our day-to-day, we now have entire days at home, new schedules at different day camps, or getting used to routines with alternate caregivers.  For kids who come from hard places, this lack of structure and unknowns can alter their individual sense of safety.  Parents might see unwanted behaviors spark up again or increase.       

Karyn Purvis and David Cross share with us in their book The Connected Child, that deep, primal fear can be responsible for triggering such behaviors and remind us that “parents can take an important step toward eliminating tantrums and misbehaviors – and enabling learning and positive family relationships – by providing an atmosphere where children feel and experience safety for themselves. We like to describe this strategy as providing ‘felt safety.’ This means that adults arrange the environment and adjust their behavior so children can feel in a profound and basic way that they are truly safe in their home and with us.” 

So how do we provide this?  When interacting with our child(ren), The Connected Child encourages us to: 

• Show emotional warmth and affection consistently 

• Offer positive emotional responses and praise often  

• Respond attentively and kindly to your child’s words and actions  

• Interact playfully with your child  

• Physically match, or mirror, your child’s voice and behavior  

• Be sensitive to your child’s tolerance for sounds, touch, and personal distance  

• Respect your child’s need for personal space  

• Use simple words or language they understand 

• Introduce new activities slowly (and at a distance if they could be perceived as threatening)  

• Give your child advance notice of upcoming change

For more reading on this topic, please consult the book in its entirety: The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family, by Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, et al. 

To provide further summer parenting encouragement, below are some podcasts to check out (hopefully you’ll be pool- or beach-side when you take a listen!)   

• The Adoption Wise Podcast – Adoption Wise 

• Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development (tcu.edu) 

• The Resilient Caregiver Podcast  

• Episode Archive – Adoption Unfiltered