Christmas lights are beginning to shine!

Looking out the back window of my house, I notice my neighbor’s lit-up Christmas tree through their window. Information about my daughter’s holiday show came home from her music teacher. Even though it seems way too soon to be true, the signs are everywhere. The Christmas season is upon us!

What many cherish and enjoy the most about the holiday season are the traditions. Whether it be driving around viewing Christmas lights, singing Silent Night by candlelight at a Christmas Eve service (and trying not to get burned by melted wax if you’re so lucky to still use actual candles!) or enjoying freshly made cinnamon rolls Christmas morning, we all have special moments and memories we look forward to re-creating year after year. And for any child entering your family through guardianship or adoption, the same is true for them! Even if the environment they came from was not considered healthy, there were still traditions of some sort made and which they are acutely aware will go away completely or look a lot different this year. Grief and loss will be felt.

These feelings are not bad or unhealthy, and they do not mean that your child is not happy in their new family with you. Although it can be tempting to take these feelings personally, I would instead encourage you to pause and consider, through the eyes of your child, how this first holiday season in a new family must feel. Although each child has their own individual story, I imagine it’s a mixed bag of feelings. In this bag are likely a wide range of emotions, from sadness, loss, guilt, and loyalty issues to anticipation and excitement for what is to come. All are okay, and all should be acknowledged and affirmed.

To help your child transition into this new normal, there is great benefit in blending both your own family’s traditions with what traditions your child remembers from their previous family or families. If your child is too young to communicate much about their history, see if you can talk with someone else, like another family member, friend, or social worker, to gain insight into what traditions should be incorporated. Then blend these together into something new for everyone. You can also seek out starting new traditions that no one has ever done before and can be experienced for the first time together. What a wonderful way to make everyone feel like they matter and have a part in this new family!

This holiday season, I am grateful for so much, and look forward to celebrating the greatest gift of all: Jesus’ birth. I wish you and your family a holiday season filled with wonder, peace, and joy.