I was talking to my new neighbor the other night.  

She is a sweet young woman from Minnesota, getting married in a few months.  Our conversation about how her and her fiancé met and their upcoming wedding, turned to dreams for their future.  They would like 3, maybe 4 kids. She talked about her childhood growing up surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins and how nice it was to have that community.  During this conversation, she began to lament how, even though this move allowed her and her fiancé to be closer to “home” than they were before with other work positions, they still have a 9-hour drive.  It quickly became obvious that, should they continue to choose to live so far from home, their future children’s childhood would be much different than the one she had known and loved, where community lived close, and gatherings were a regular part of life.   

This led us into discussing how our American culture can teach us that it is good to be independent. We hear messaging that tells us:  Rely on only yourself.  Do what’s best for you.  You don’t need to ask for help, just work harder! If we’re honest, these ideas don’t translate well into very many parts of our lives, especially parenting.  Whether a parent of a biological or adopted child, or you have stepped into someone’s life as their legal guardian, it doesn’t take long before we see that being an island of one does not work.  Whether it be an all-day work meeting that conflicts with school pick-up time, or a medical procedure that requires an overnight stay, or 3 kids having to be in 3 different places at the same time and only 2 parents to drive, it is impossible to be everywhere all of the time.  The story that our American culture tells us of being able to “do it all” is quickly proven wrong. The need for community and a healthy support system becomes obvious, and necessary.

If you are struggling to do this parenting role all on your own, please know you’re not alone!  Many of us have fallen into the trap of believing that if we just try harder, we can do it all by ourselves.  But contrary to that, parenting was never meant to be an individual journey!  I encourage you to experience the initial discomfort of reaching out to those around you and sharing your needs.  

Connect with an adoptive/guardianship parent support group surrounding yourself with those who are walking a similar journey.  Attend counseling.  Find a supportive church.  And if you need some more encouragement in this area, listen to this podcast from a therapist at Crosswinds Counseling, who is a foster to adopt parent herself, here: Adoptive and Foster Family Therapy.